Friday, 22 May 2015

When the money runs out - so you have no other choice!

Eve writing this week.
When you come from a normal family it can be hard to imagine what it is like to have no money and nobody to borrow any from. In the pre-marriage days it was sometimes like that. As an example I can remember needing to have my degree dissertation printed and bound and having no money. No dissertation meant no degree and meant three years wasted.
If you have never faced this problem it is so, so easy to put your "judgy pants" on and be shocked at what people have to do to get by. In my case taking part in corporal punishment videos for money. Trust me when I say it was the least bad of the alternatives!
It is a lot about battling with your body. We girls do that more than most men. What with periods and PMT as a girl you are very much aware of messages that your body is sending you. You have a calendar in your head and you base certain decisions based on your monthly cycle. When you are being caned your body tells you quite loudly that what is happening is not a good thing. But you learn techniques and when you win against your body's demands it feels really good.
OK suppose I was going to have 50 strokes with a senior school cane bent over a table. A fairly typical £60 for 15 minutes project. In your head you divide them into blocks of 10. The first block is always the worst, you know its going to be and your prepare mentally. Deep regular breaths, focus on the counting not on the pain. At the end of the first ten I would open my eyes and make eye contact with Ella. I know she will be standing off camera and on my right side. A quick smile to show I'm OK and then close my eyes again. You are at about 60 on the parabola of pain (a concept I invented BTW) where 100 is your limit. Relax your bottom to let the fat and muscles cushion you as far as you can. Keep breathing slow and deep. Another 10 strokes gone and perhaps at 75 or 80 on the parabola. Most of the empty spaces on your bottom have been filed now so some strokes will land where other ones did. So the smooth curve becomes a jerky line but still going upwards. About now the endorphins, natural pain killers/dimmers, start to kick in. It is a bit of a race. Will you get to 100 before they start working? 30 done now, look at Ella who can see I'm still "in the zone". I'm starting to feel slightly drunk and the pain is steady or perhaps slightly down. Probably around 90 on the parabola. 40 done, still in the zone, but Ella is looking a bit worried. The last two strokes (49 and 50) are by tradition much harder. At 46 or 47 look at Ella and keep looking until all 50 are done. FINISHED! 
Don't move. Lie there for a short time. Your knees will start to shake a bit. Ella will be there to slip a dress over your head when you stand up. Go to the kitchen area and wash your face. Tears, nose snot, mascara all sorts to clean up sometimes. I'VE WON AGAIN. Money please. 
This is the reality for many Children's Home Kids!

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